Does God Hate Divorced People?
This article appears in the Kindle book, Conversations with the Bible, Point of View Publishing, Jan 9, 2020.
“Congratulations, you are free…” I said to Karen one Sunday morning. She still seemed confused replying, “Sorry, I don’t understand.” Her daughter and son glanced at us. My wife Lori has had a spiritual support group for women in or who are survivors of abusive relationships. We have witnessed the courage and strength that many of them have displayed by leaving their controlling husbands and healing in their walk with Jesus. Karen was one of these women we have both prayed with for their struggle to be loved and honored as any woman in relationship deserves to be.
“We are very happy for you and God is proud of you,” I shared. She and the children looked shocked. Then tears began to well up in her eyes. “I—I don’t know what to say,” she said. “You’ve never been told that before, have you?” I replied, “You haven’t heard that God was mistreated in a relationship and called the partner to accountability?” She nodded her head “no” while tears continued to form in her eyes. I realized how hard this must have been for her and her children. I began to share with them that most churches do not confront abuse because they do not believe that divorce is an option.
I have heard countless sermons on the “evils of divorce,” “how easily the world ends marriages,” and that there is “no good reason for divorce.” Mal. 2:14-16 has become the battle cry for those opposing divorce. However, it is a grossly misused, misquoted, and misapplied verse. Many, especially clergy and abusive individuals, have used this text to tell victims that God does not approve of divorce. Therefore, victims have no other option but to stay in the relationship, accept the abuse, and hope for change. If we believe that God is opposed to any divorce, then is the text meant to enslave spouses in violent relationships? Should victims be blamed for the dysfunction in their relationship? Should those in sin accept responsibility, repent for their actions, and make amends to those they have hurt?
Hope Destroyed through Broken Relationships
The setting of the book of Malachi suggests that the nation of Judah had returned from Babylonian/Persian captivity. They also returned to the ways of their former generations by neglecting the sacrifices to Yahweh and practicing idolatry. While God was the offended husband in the book of Hosea (the first book of the “minor prophets”), God became the offended wife in Mal. 2:11–16 (the last book of the “minor prophets”. The people of Israel again practiced the same behavior that caused the previous divorce (captivity). How was God to respond to this behavior? “Judah has acted treacherously, or faithlessly, and committed an abomination in Israel and Jerusalem. Judah profaned what was holy to their Lord by loving a foreign god’s daughter,” (Mal. 2:11).
God entered a dialogue with the leaders of Israel, through the prophet Malachi, and suggested that they were trying to deflect responsibility for their sin.
1:1 I have loved you…but you ask, “How have you loved us…” 1:6 You ask, “How have we shown contempt for your name?” 1:7 You place defiled food on my altar but you ask, “How have we defiled you…” 2:4 You have wearied Yahweh with your words. “How have we wearied Yahweh?” you ask. 2:7 Return to me and I will return to you…But you ask, “How shall we return?” 2:8 You rip me off, but you ask, “How do we rip you off?” 2:13 You have said harsh things against me…Yet you ask, “What have we said against you?”
In this question and answer session Yahweh (the name for God in Hebrew) convicted the people (or at least the leaders) of neglect, abuse, and failure to uphold their covenant with their Lord. Judah had returned to their old ways and neglected their God by offering leftovers, allowing violent and evil people to be blessed, and refusing to believe that God’s values of truth, faith, honesty, and grace were honorable. They once again ignored the violence and rejected faithfulness and loyalty to their God. As with Jeremiah and Hosea, God became a vulnerable, hurt, and victimized spouse who accepted unfaithful Judah. Judah returned home from captivity, and once again became the controlling, abusive, and neglectful spouse in the relationship.
First, the Lord had earlier practiced divorce against those who profaned the holy covenant (Isa 50:1; 54:6–7; Jer. 3:8). God was the offended spouse in a dysfunctional marriage. While covenant was meant to be holy, pure, loving, and safe; Israel had sinned and hurt faithful Yahweh. The Babylonian captivity was a time that God had “kicked out” the offender to teach them that relationships involved honor, trust, respect, and faithfulness. After seventy years of couch surfing, living on the streets, and limited visitation, Judah (or at least some of the key leaders) had repented. Yahweh opened the doors to the home and began to rebuild the marriage. Yahweh had a reputation of holding the spouse accountable for their contribution to the marriage. In Mal 2:16 God was displeased with divorce. However, this does not suggest that God was not willing to practice it.
Second, the Malachi text applied to holiness and faithfulness in covenant. The term for covenant was used throughout Malachi to refer to the Jewish nation’s relationship to their God.
1:2 I loved you
2:4 Warning about breaking the covenant with Levi
2:5 Covenant of life and peace, Levi respected me
2:8 You have turned from me
2:10 Why do you profane my covenant?
2:11 Judah has broken faith and married the daughter of a foreign god
2:12 The Lord will cut (Judah) off 2:14 False tears, remember the wife of your youth (Yahweh) Broken faith with your wife (Yahweh)
2:16 I hate divorce so do not break faith
2:16 I hate a person who uses violence
These texts suggest that the nation was dishonoring their God. The wife of their youth was to be Yahweh. The people had left God and united with another woman or god (probably the goddess Asherah who was worshipped by the Jews in Jer. 44). God was challenging Judah in court, like an angry hurt wife, and warning Israel that they were about to be divorced, something that their Lord did not wish to do. The final statement was: “Guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith” or “It’s either them or me!” Mal. 2:15b.
Finally, the text continues to teach that God stands with those suffering from violence, neglect, and injustice in their relationship. “I hate divorce,” says Yahweh the God of Israel, “and the one clothing/covering themselves with violence/lawlessness. Guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.” While God may be hesitant to divorce, God equally hates violence. Malachi preached that God’s partner showed partiality in the law (2:9), committing injustices (2:17), oppressing the poor (3:5), and practicing evil (3:15). While God hates divorce, the creator will practice it in order to keep victims free from violence, oppression, and injustice. The text suggests that Yahweh, like Karen, is between a rock and a hard place. “I don’t want to divorce, but I have violence in our relationship. I have to make a choice (and you have to make a choice).”
Mal. 2:16 does not suggest that God is angry with divorced people. The text is a warning to those who are unfaithful and violent in their relationships with God and other humans. Since God calls for relationships to promote peace, respect, and honor for both parties; Malachi suggests that drastic actions sometimes must happen to protect and honor covenant relationships.
Malachi does, however, provide strength for those in marriages where one partner is being abusive, neglectful, and unwilling to take responsibility for their behavior. The seven questions in Malachi illustrate Judah’s foolishness and arrogance, manifested by their attempt to hide their sin from Yahweh. God even accused them of rebellion (3:13). They had become naïve in that they believed that those who were evil were good role models.
In marriage counseling sessions I have confronted a male (or female) who has violated their marriage covenant vows through abuse, various addictive behaviors, neglect, sexual infidelity, pornography, or habitual dishonesty. Typically, they respond by justifying their behavior. Sometimes they act as if they “don’t know what you are talking about,” or “wonder why you would think this of me?” Other times they fire questions at us blaming others for being judgmental, unsympathetic, or guilty of sin ourselves. The Malachi text reflects the pain that God and those who are vulnerable in relationships face in oppression. It is wise for us to read the Malachi text as a window into Yahweh’s pain—rather than a requirement to force victims into an unsafe relationship. It also providers tremendous comfort to those who suffer from divorce or past abuse in that it helps them to know that God not only identifies with them but stands beside them in their journey and desire for healthy relationships.